Today was children’s day and though I love children at every stage, this is just so accurate. Enjoy.
Today was children’s day and though I love children at every stage, this is just so accurate. Enjoy.
We need to laugh more often.
Okay I didn’t have a bee costume. So spelling Fairy.
Twin One: I asked Patchy (our cat) two questions and she got them both right!
Me: Wow she must be a smart cat.
Twin One: She is. I am smart too.
Me: Yes I think you are pretty smart.
Twin One: I can spell Birthday. I learnt it myself b-i-r-t-h and then d-a-y!
Me: (In the most impressed tone possible) Wow. That is great!
Twin One: You know what else I can spell?
Me: Tell me.
Twin One: I can also spell dog pooh. D-o-g p-o-o-h!
(Bee sticker photo courtesy of Twin One)
I have two posts due thanks to these:
Thank you Meg at Dear Crazy Kids
Thanks Kate at Cape Cod Scribe.
I like these awards they make your blog look intellectual. People will look at it and say stuff like:
“Like omg look at all those awards I bet she like totally knows everything about everything.”
“I know right? Let’s like follow her!”
Anyways I will get to answering the million questions involved later. I need to talk about fast food. In my dictionary that is not burgers, hot dogs, fries or pizza. That is all “okay to eat once in a while ’cause I work my butt off all the time cooking balanced diet healthy food”.
Fast food is the stuff that can be prepared before my kids turn into cannibals and start eating me. I swear to God nobody comes to the table no matter how hard I holler ‘dinner is ready’ with the table set perfectly, adorned with intoxicatingly aromatic food items. They are just never hungry. But if I am running late for some reason they all turn into ravenous beasts.
It happened a couple of days ago. I was forced to quickly improvise because one of my twins had started chewing on my ankle. I find the things I just make up seem to turn out pretty good.
I call this Chicken and Veggies. By chef me.
It took about 15 min for the chicken to get done, 5 for the veggies and 5 more to get things to the table whilst dragging the child gnawing through my ankle bone along with me back and forth and yes this sentence is too long.
It tasted really good, the kids actually admitted that it was ok. Which means it was really good, every plate was licked clean. So I hope this can help some mom in need.
Chicken (quantity directly proportional to double amount of hungry cannibals)
Salt to taste
Paprika to taste
Red chilli powder to taste
Garlic fresh or powder ( I like lots, but a couple of cloves or 3/4 of a teaspoon should do it)
Lemon ( I use the adorable little green key limes- I used one, but half is good for less chicken)
Turmeric (optional- I am semi desi so I always have it on hand and it is good for you 1/2 teaspoon)
Rub the chicken with everything but the flour. Talk to yourself as if you are Jamie Oliver or Nigella doing a show. Things seem to go faster. Pour yourself a glass of grape juice in a wine glass if you decide to do Nigella. Stick your fingers into everything, taste it then wipe on apron if you do Jamie.
Dust the chicken with flour and place it expertly in a skillet with hot oil that is waiting to receive it. ie heat the oil first.
Keep the conversation going in an English accent. Take a sip of grape juice. Sniff the chicken and say something like “lovely” or “aromatic”
Fry on high and turn over when done on one side. Check to see if it is done before it starts to turn black.
You will have a lot of juices from the chicken, chop up any veggies you like and throw them in. Add a little sea salt. I don’t know why. But my mom says it is really healthy. She just moved in with me. She brought a never-ending supply of sea salt. I want to get rid of it as soon as possible.
I used onions, bell pepper, mushrooms, tomatoes and jalapeno peppers. TIp: I buy a good supply of these veggies, they are always on hand along with garlic, ginger, broccoli, lettuce and celery. I was veggies and store them in plastic containers. This saves me a lot of time. Storing mushrooms in paper bags is good. They never go bad. That doesn’t mean you try to keep them for a month. Having a good supply of spices also helps. Turmeric is good for you. Now go out and buy some.
I had some pasta left over from the afternoon. You can serve it with dirty rice too. I managed to make a salad when twin 2 fell off my arm with a chunk of my flesh wedged in her teeth.
My husband is 100% desi. So I also had to cook these
Chapati. Roti. Whole wheat tortilla. Whatever.
You can add any of this stuff
It makes the table look fancy and fools the kids into thinking this was harder to put together then it actually was.
Let me know if you try it out!
I go through a lot of news online, lots and lots of reading before I manage to write even a couple of paragraphs of my book. It is hard not to get distracted by some of the incredibly ridiculous things that are actually considered ‘news’. First the hype of some award show and then this wrecking ball drama. I came across an interview in which poor Miley explains why she behaves the way she does. I wanted to bang my head against the wall, think I am over reacting? Here:
“ All I do is work, so I eat to live and to keep going. People are impressed with me because I can sleep for just 45 minutes – I’m used to it. I suppose I am a workhorse. I love being in the studio and when I take vacation I get so bored.”
You can read the rest here: http://dlisted.com/2013/09/02/miley-cyrus-admits-that-shes-messed-up-and-has-issues/
She gets so bored when she takes vacations. There are a whole bunch of bad words on the tip of my tongue right now. Please someone send her this link: 2 Million Syrian Children… You think your life is shitty? Everyone has problems, imagine the entire world sticking their tongues out and twerking because of them. Eww gross, never mind please don’t.
Anyways I actually just wanted to give you a link to an interesting post if you are into world politics:
(pic of a very constipated Miley is from Google Images)
During the summer vacation I finished writing my awesome book, impressed every agent I queried, landed a million dollar …no two million dollar book deal and my book is out this October. Hah! I joke. I woke up late every morning to the sound of squabbling, made a large breakfast for all the offspring, tried in vain to broom Cheerios from every corner of the house, ignored lunch time and convinced myself everyone needed to diet, pretended to be deaf while teenager complained about everything and under twelves fought about everything, tried out new exotic recipes for dinner amid constant pleas for mercy and ended the day by watching Netflix till my eyes could not be forced to stay open any longer. During all this excitement we also had Ramadan and we moved. For some mysterious reason husband decided this was the best time to not hire movers. Have mini-van will move.
ME: “Who the hell is gonna pick up all the heavy stuff?”
HIM: “We don’t have heavy stuff.”
ME: “What about the furniture?”
HIM:”We aren’t taking it.”
ME: “Well we can’t leave it here and they charge you to have someone come pick it up, then we have to buy new furniture… so how is that saving money?”
ME: “I’ll sell it.”
HIM: Laughing. Laughing some more. Still laughing. “No one is going to buy all that junk!”
ME: ( 10 days later holding up a large sum of money all fanned out, singing “I love it” in my head) “Look at all the money I made selling the ‘junk’.” I love Kijiji.
Kijiji is so addictive, you can sell anything there. I am thinking of selling the kids and husband as a ‘buy five get one free’ deal.
Other summer vacation stuff:
The beach, a birthday, Mississauga celebration square, the zoo, Niagara Falls….
What did you guys do in summer vacation?
Here is something to give you a laugh. Yes it was possible to laugh without the use of every bad word imaginable. It took genius though.
Omg it is almost summer vacation which means Wild Things will be running rampant in the house. Anyways Cauliflower has a blog, please go visit when you get a chance!
Visit her here: Maryum Mazhar
Today is Maurice Sendak’s birthday. I have five wild things. I live where the wild things are. Wild Cauliflower has some Palestinian friends, they’ve been enlightening her on some of their customs. They ululate when they are really happy. I had no idea what that was, so Cauliflower demonstrated in the car while we were parked outside FoodBasics surrounded by other people sitting in their cars listening. Wild things can often be very embarrassing, but I like being where the wild things are.
Someone give me a recipe for motivation. Motivate me to write regularly and stop procrastinating. It’s just that it is sooo hard to make myself write, finish that novel, write hundreds of different query letters, get hundreds of rejection letters. Hit me on the head, tell me to stop whining, it happens to every writer. So just finish the damned novel and write a blog post once a week.
We are thinking of moving into a bigger place and the kids want a dog. I want a husky, Cauliflower wants a golden retriever, the Twins want anything that wags a tail, barks and gets excited about nothing. We are not getting a dog. I promised the kids we might go for another cat. A friend for Patchy. I am a bad candidate for women’s lib, I want a male cat because they are more affectionate in my experience. Cauliflower suggested we name the future affectionate tom cat Sh*t.
I stared at her because I was sure I hadn’t heard her right.
“Don’t use that language!”
“No seriously think how much fun it would be. The neighbors will get plenty of amusement whenever we call the cat.”
I thought for a moment. And smiled. Then I laughed. “Sh*t! Sh*t where are you? Here Sh*tty Sh*tty Sh*tty Sh*tty!”
“What about this?” Cauliflower made a suggestion, ”Sh*t you missed the litter box again! Sh*t I am not cleaning up your sh*t anymore!”
“Sh*t come on it’s your favorite Sh*t, come and get it. Does Sh*t want some tuna?”
“Where’s Sh*t? There he is! There’s Sh*t! Whose a good Sh*tty? Sh*t’s a good sh*tty!”
“Sh*t is so adorable, look at Sh*t lying there being cute!”
Waiting to play with Sh*t.
Any other suggestions for pet names are welcome.
On the first night of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,
The chance to go out and watch Iron Man three!
On the second morning of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,
Two twins fighting and the chance to go out and watch Iron Man 3.
On the second afternoon of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,
Three older children screaming, two twins fighting and the chance to go out and watch Iron Man 3.
On the second evening of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,
One gone out with friends husband, three older children screaming, two twins fighting and a chance to go out and watch Iron Man 3.
On the Sunday of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,
Pancakes doused in syrup, one gone out with friends husband, three older children screaming, two twins fighting and a chance to go out and watch Iron Man 3.
On the Sunday evening of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,
A fridge depleted of groceries, a poop filled litter box, fifty loads of laundry, innumerable dirty dishes, crayon decorated walls, Cheerios covered carpets, one seriously in trouble husband, five brawling children and I don’t even remember seeing the damned movie.
On the Monday after Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,
An empty house full of serenity.
This is what I got Sunday morning.
And two hand-made one of a kind bracelets made from fuzzy pipe cleaners and beads obtained from Dollarama.
This is some of what I dealt with when everyone was finally out of the house.
There were twice as many dishes in the sink and on the counter, and some were extracted from underneath beds and desks.
What were you treated to on Mother’s day?
All pics courtesy of moi.
Two sisters just blogging about their passion: halal food!
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