The Perks of Being a Cauliflower

022 (2)

Little girls are like flowers. Colorful, delicate and looking at them just makes you feel good. Until they turn into teenagers. Then they become cauliflowers. And if you still have flowers in the house, you stop bothering with the cauliflower, because let’s face it…cauliflower?! That is just fine with the cauliflower as they prefer to be left alone and not nagged or babied or lectured or what-everrrr! Just leave them alone and let them vegetate.

 

My cauliflower is a gifted artist and an incredibly lazy teenager who would rather flop in a remote corner of our abode and watch other people’s cats on YouTube. I’ve been bugging her to make a blog showcasing her work and get to know others who have the same interests, make new friends etc etc ie quit wasting her time laughing at the antics of unfamiliar felines because she is giving our cat an inferiority complex. Also I am tired of scanning, snapping, saving, collecting, preserving her work that often lies around until it decomposes unless I rescue it.

015

The purpose of this post is to recruit your help. Like, share, comment, lecture, nag, yell etc to show her that she really should do something more useful and stop torturing our cat with her hurtful preference of other cats. All the pics here are of her work, except the cheerful cauliflower which I got from Google Images. Enjoy.

Photography

002 (2)                 khaula and MM 2

 

Mehdia studying             MM observing sky

Painting

019           027

023

Sketches

018          021

Stuff you do with clay

unicorn Patchy 002

I have a ton of other stuff, but I am hoping she will stop being such a cauliflower and DO IT HERSELF!!

unicorn Patchy 006

 

Look at our poor complexed cat. She needs to be videoed and uploaded to YouTube.

 

Spring Cleaning

I need to stay away from the internet if I want to finish writing my book. I’m on chapter 8, and I also wrote the last chapter and some stuff in the middle. That is also how I read novels. I often read the middle and end first just because.

So I am trying hard to resist the temptation of Facebook and reading blogs. It’s very difficult. I tried to  read some stuff on writing and I wanted to bang my head against the wall when I read this: Revision and self-editing.   I hope it helps any of you who are in editing stages. I clicked on the links which although maybe very useful I found to be well, very difficult to follow. Since I am not at the editing stage I hope to forget all about it for now.

Unfortunately I can’t sit and write all day because apparently family members need to be fed and the house can’t clean itself. There are lots of things for kids to throw garbage in when they are tidying up. Don’t forget to check all your vases when doing the spring cleaning.

march 26 019

I like vases. All shapes. All sizes. All colors.

march 26 016

I do not like what I find in them.

march 26 017

The start of a Guinness record holding rubber band ball. I am not adding the picture of some ‘organic’ material I found. It was either a dead animal or the remains of a school lunch sandwich from before last year’s summer vacation.

march 26 015

This is how I know one of my twins got hold of my camera.march 26 014

There are other things besides spring cleaning that keep me from writing that NYT best-seller.

march 26 004

This is one of them.

What distracts you from doing that great thing you were born to do?

(All pics courtesy of my camera and my willing feline model)

March break is over. Yay.

March break is finally over.  As soon as all the kids went to school yesterday I did the happy dance with my cat.

During March break, the kids were everywhere.

pics Oct Nov 2012 015

They were coming out of my ears.

March Break 010

They were messing up their bedroom.

March Break 013

They were messing up the kitchen.

March Break 007

They messed around at Bradley House Museum. And learned how to make maple syrup.

March Break 033

They messed around at the zoo.

polar bear dec 2012

They messed around at the museum.

Museum March '13 023  Museum March '13 040Museum March '13 039

They even messed around with the cat.

March Break 014

 

This is what I felt like while they were in the house:

March Break 002

And this is what I feel like now:

097

 

So I can go back to this:

005

 

What did you do in March break?

(All pics by me. Except the lady dancing with her cat. That is Google.)

Tag, You’re It!

tag

I was tagged by thelostkerryman for “Tagging Thyme“, thanks. You have to answer 11 weird questions then tag 11 people who would be willing to answer weird questions. I am grateful for weird people.

1. What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten in public?

Nothing terribly exotic here. I don’t eat gross stuff like escargot,  chocolate covered grasshoppers or fried snakes. And I never will. I did eat paan,ONCE,  when I was in Pakistan. That is betel leaf with yucky stuff like slaked lime (yes), tobacco and betel nut (which will break your teeth) wrapped in it. It is bitter, causes cancer and tastes like crap. Every South Asian has a thing for it. I spat it out right there in the street while being stared at by amused onlookers. I was not amused.

2. If you had to go on an adventure, with elves, dwarves, or hobbits, who would you take and why?

Well what do you think eh? Orlando Bloom, John Rhys- Davies or Elijah Wood? The elf, duh! I think the ‘why’ is self-explanatory.

3. You are at a rural retreat lodge somewhere deep in Wisconsin or Canada. You are approached by a taxidermist who hands you a stuffed badger and asks you to put it in your lap. What do you do next?

I like animals alive running around the forest with the elves.  I will probably beat the taxidermist then stuff him.

4. If you were given biscotti, would you prefer it with coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?

What the hell are those? I will have to go buy a pack, try them and get back to you. Don’t look at me like that! I have five kids, all I know about is chocolate chip cookies and Tim Horton‘s. But I like strong tea and French Vanilla Supreme.

5. In your opinion, who is the funniest man or woman alive today (comedian)

ELLEN! I love you Ellen. And you already know I love Bill Cosby. And some guy named Sugar Sammy because 1. he’s Canadian 2. he’s Indian and 3. he’s funny.

6. If you were given thirty seconds on television to say something, what would it be?

“Eh, nice weather eh?”

017

7. What is your idea of the most romantic date setting ever?

I’m married to a South Asian. What the hell is romance?

8. If you could go on one date with a movie or television star, who would it be and why?

Don’t know. Ok I just don’t wanna tell you! He won’t be South Asian that’s for sure!

9. What is the worst song you have ever heard?

I don’t know about the worst song ever…actually there was one by Paul Lekakis, must be the worst ever. Whenever I hear ‘Locked out of Heaven’ by Bruno Mars I change the radio station. It really bugs me, don’t know why.

10. If you could live anywhere else, where would it be?

It would still be Canada. But I would love to be able to travel to places like Malaysia.

11. Who- in your opinion- was the greatest person to ever live?

That would have to be more than one. The Prophets, all of them. They are the best, no one can compare to their personalities.  Now I am tagging :

1. http://www.darlenefoster.ca/

2. http://mikeallegra.com/

3. http://theurgetowander.com/

4. http://snapflycook.wordpress.com/

5. http://addictivestory.wordpress.com/

6. http://catherinemjohnson.wordpress.com/ 

7. http://imdbwords.wordpress.com/

8. http://erinbradypike.com/

9. http://remediesforhealth.wordpress.com/

10. http://iamawriterdangit.wordpress.com/

11. http://seyisandradavid.org/

There were a lot of other people but I could only pick 11. I know some of you write serious blogs, but it is good to have fun once in a while!

(Pic from Google ’cause I couldn’t find the pencil sharpener eh. The other one is mine.)

Golden Globes 2013, thanks for enlightening me.

download

You know that Bruno Mars song about not wanting to do anything? What’s it called…just a sec I’ll google it. The Lazy Song! Well that is how I have felt. For the past two months, and so I did not write anything, did not blog anything, changed my clothes as least as possible and washed my hair even less. Refused to clean the house, unfortunately I had to feed the cat. And the kids. Or I may never have left the cozy spot on the sofa, which has now become a huge, unbecoming crater. It is so bad I think we may have to get  a new sofa. Writer’s block for me is not wanting to detach my eyes from the TV. Please don’t ask me what I watched, it is embarrassing. Alright dammit! Vampire Diaries. Now I need to drown myself in a handful of water.

My teen will never let me forget this. She reminds me all the time that watching episode after episode on Netflix of something that immature is a sure sign that I have no life. I mean no offence to fans of the show, if you are a teen who watches it that is ok. I have been out of that age group for decades. But for those of you who thought Twilight was cheesy, well this is the grandaddy of cheesy vampire love stories.

So I am over my couch potatoness.

images

I started writing stuff today, before that I cleaned the house and when I received a warning letter from the Peel Health department I realized it was time to wash my hair. The baby powder I was sprinkling in it was no longer effective.

I also plan on watching some more worthwhile stuff. The Golden Globe Awards have given me enlightenment otherwise my knowledge was temporarily limited to vervain, wolfsbane and hybrid werewolves.

I read Life of Pi some years ago, and I always like watching movies based on novels I have read. I am a fan of Ben Affleck so I have to see Argo, and I have to see Les Miserables just because it has to be seen. Oh and I also found out that Jodie Foster ‘has come out’. I am sure that bit of information will affect the lives of millions.

(All pics from Google Images)

Tea Parties and Writing Contests

November is my favorite month, it is the month I turn eighteen every year. Now it is going, and then agents will be flooded with nanowrimo stuff. And I can imagine what good moods they will be in. I didn’t do the nanowrimo thing. I was tempted, instead I decided to do the short story contest stuff. So I wrote and am writing some short stories to send to different places. I enjoyed it, at first I was doubtful. I seem to have too much to say. But I am really enjoying it. I wrote a humorous story about a desi boy and his crazy family because I had fun writing ‘Parents Just Don’t Understand for Dawn, in fact it was so much fun I am going to turn it into a novel.

I also wrote a sad ghost story, which I had so much fun with that I am going to use the idea for another novel. It is kind of like the Time Traveler’s Wife crossed with Ghost.

Here are some links to short story contests that I hope some of you find useful:

http://www.inktears.com/Inktears/WritersNewWriters2012.html  the last date for this is November 30th  and you can write any theme/genre

http://www.commonwealthwriters.org/prizes/commonwealth-short-story-prize/entry-rules/  the last date for this is December 4th  you can write any genre but you must live in a Commonwealth Country

And here is a place that has a list of other places you can check out:

http://www.christopherfielden.com/short-story-tips-and-writing-advice/short-story-competitions.php   I love people like this, they make life so much easier. Thank you Christopher Fielden.

I love creepy, haunting stories (think Edgar Allan Poe) so the other short stories I am writing are creepy and haunting(no zombies!). The ideas creep me out at night. Of course so does the Walking Dead, but some things are just so addictive.

I hope I can get the two other stories done on time, last week and today are really busy. And then I also have to have regular vocal cord exercises to get that opera singer job or be cast as the next Hulk, so I need to take time off to yell at the offspring. They begin to feel deprived if I don’t.

I also hope to send out more queries for ‘Miscegenation’ but it takes a lot of time going through those agent websites and then writing out new queries. Especially when I am so busy hollering at the kids and planning tea parties with Kate. You know Kate? The one who married the Prince?

What are you busy with these days?

(All pics swiped off Google Images)

The Next Big Thing: Week 22

I am doing a blog hoppy thing. This is the first time.

I was tagged by two awesome writer people: Alexandra Tys O’Conner at Whispering Minds and Anne Woodman at Writing by the Numbers. You have to go and visit their great blogs. And read and comment and make new  writer people friends.

So here I go.

1- What is the working title of your book?

Miscegenation. Long uncommonly used words just fascinate me.

2- Where did the idea come from for the book?

When I moved back to Canada after many  years I happily observed many mixed race couples. Also there is a lot of unrest in the other half of the world and I thought what if we just blew ourselves to bits while fighting and the survivors were extremists who decided no more inter racial marriages. They want a Pure Blood Society of the different races believing this is going to avoid all the genes from getting crazy and self destructive. I have a Master’s in Biochemistry and genetics really fascinates me.
3- What genre does your book fall under?

Science Fiction (YA)

4- Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

I have absolutely no idea, but I think Johnny Depp should be in every movie. He just should.


5- What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

This is the most painful question in the history of questions. This is the first sentence/hook/pitch from the query:

Welcome to Arya, where being different will kill you.

6- Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

I am hoping (read praying, begging, crying, moaning, struggling ) that it gets represented by an agency.


7- How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

It took one month.

8- What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

It is about a racist society. The only other YA I have heard about that deals with racism in a similar way is Vril: the Power of the Coming Race.

9- Who or What inspired you to write this book?

There are so many paranormal type characters but I haven’t read one with a djinn in it yet. I wanted to write a novel with a djinn as one of the characters. So one of the races is of djinns.

10- What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

A lot of action ( I love action movies/novels) some romance ( the one where they can’t live with each other and they can’t live without each other) science stuff for science stuff fans. Angry teenagers for emo kids and rebellious stuff in memory of James Dean.


Now check out these blogs: (you guys have one week! Try to post it on Nov 7!)
1. storiesbywilliams

2. Writerlious

3. Life behind the Pages

4. Cape Cod Scribe

5.  Life As We Show It

6. Mythbroakia

 

Black and white cats are awesome

Our cat, Patchy Patch, is so awesome. Most cats are. And she loves to jump. This is her:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YxZorzMIcYE

My daughter put her video up on You Tube. She is the most adored member of our family and can get away with murder, but she is such a sweetie. She doesn’t have any Diva demands like many cats, she does not come and sit on my head at 6 a.m demanding to be fed but waits patiently for everyone to get up and then she wants to be petted first. Her stomach is her second concern not her first. The only problem she does have is falling into the toilet whenever someone forgets to put the lid down. Which is often.

No, this is not Patchy, I would not embarrass her by posting a picture of her at her worst. This is someone else’s cat I found on Google Images. How could anyone do that to their cat?

She is the subject of many photographs shot by my five-5-year-old, Twin 1, who knows more about my cell phone than I do.

I don’t know how Patchy manages to keep her patience with a persistent five-year old who continuously sticks a camera up her nose.

Twin 1 takes pictures of everything. She says she is going to be a cake decorator when she grows up. I seriously doubt it.

(Cat in the toilet is courtesy of Google Images the rest are courtesy of Twin 1)

It’s Always a Good Time

I yelled at the kids to go to sleep early one Saturday night in the summer vacation so we could get up early and be out of the house by eleven at the most. I woke up at 11:21. Everyone was up before me. No one realized that they could not actually leave the house if I was still snoring away. So I had to start yelling again as soon as I woke up. They just wanted to let me sleep in, isn’t that sweet? The day I need to wake up early, they finally let me sleep in. My kids make sure my vocal cords get plenty of exercise every day. The thing is I don’t really dream of being an opera singer.
After ranting about the height of negligence that my kids and their father have been endowed with, I started making brunch and packing picnic food. I had marinated the chicken the night before. Good thing I have an obsessive compulsive disorder with organization. Unfortunately this does not go good with my absent-mindedness. But that is life. Isn’t it ironic, don’t ya think?
Picnics are loads of fun with five kids. I pack enough stuff to make you believe I was going away for a month. 5-year-old twins mean you need lots of extra clothes and towels. You never know who is going to decide to get carsick. They’ve been trained to give a 5 second warning so I can catch it in a plastic bag.
So I make an Olympic record for the best time in the ‘make breakfast, feed kids, pack picnic, yell at kids to get ready, close all lids on toilet seats, feed cat, and push everyone out the door’ event. We get in the car and as soon as we are in the kids start fighting over seats. No one wants to sit at the back with the twins. I can’t blame them. Who the hell enjoys catching vomit in a plastic bag?
We had to stop to buy buns and drinks. And coal. And lighter fluid. Because husband does not have any sort of obsessive compulsive disorder and efficiently tunes out when I start listing off ‘things to do’. So I sit in the car while he buys stuff, and try to ignore the kids who are arguing about who will sit where on the way back. I receive a phone call from husband, “I can’t find the buns”.
By 1:45 we were sitting outside the second grocery store because husband could not find coal at the first. After 25 minutes he comes out smiling. Success. It took two people 25 minutes to find lighter fluid. We finally move on. On the road husband realizes someone’s door is not closed right. At the first red light we all open and slam the doors really fast, green light we drive on but one door is still not closed right.  Change radio station because no one likes the song. Yell at kids to stop yelling at each other. Next stop light, door open, door slam, door still not closed thank you ma’am. Kids still yelling at each other about whose door is not shut properly. Teenage daughter only has enough strength to hit her brother in the back of the head and that is all. For anything else her hands seem to have no life. Have to change radio station every two minutes. Husband wants to know why all the songs sound exactly the same. We pull into someone’s driveway and husband gets out to close the door shut.
Teenagers are now commenting on all the ‘swoggy’ people they see on the way. As if they are full of swag themselves. Change radio station.
At the lake finally, more bickering among offspring. Who will pick up what and why they get to pick up that particular object. Deciding on the perfect spot takes about 20 minutes, but by now I have started to tune everyone out. It is such a beautiful day. Warm and sunny. We are finally settled, I just want to get in that water. I walk in and my longed for peace is replaced with horror. The water is freezing. God dammit!
“We don’t even have to try it’s always a good time..O o o ..”
(All images are from Google Images)

 

Guest post by a published author. Who is not snobby.

I had a day off today. So after sending all the kids to school I promptly went straight to my laptop? No I went straight back to bed. And continued to snooze blissfully till 12: 45. Now I am eating french toast and drinking hot tea and typing with sticky fingers because after you pass the three kids mark and 35 you no longer care about these things. Your biggest luxury is sleeping in and not being woken by five snarling monsters kids.

Mike Allegra is a published (non snobby) author.  He is also very, very funny. When I am feeling sad, mad or bad I go to his blog and have a good laugh. He also has great tips for writers, so you have to go and visit him here: heylookawriterfellow

Yes, now you know you have to visit. And his wife has a great way with animals. Definitely visit here.

His book  Sarah Gives Thanks is going into its second printing. Congrats! It is a touching story and has beautiful pictures.

I pestered him to do a guest post for my blog. And this is the first guest post here. So hurray for me. If you write then you are probably in some sort of critique group and you have probably come across some people who are ready to cruelly tear your work apart ( they have been published) or get violent when you give them honest suggestions( they will never be published). But Mike is a very nice, down to earth published author who does neither. Here is his entertaining and informative account of  critiquing.

Criticizing Critiques: A Critical Study ( Mike Allegra)

It was my turn to critique the manuscript and I wasn’t looking forward to it. It wasn’t because I didn’t like critiquing (because I do) or because I didn’t like the manuscript (although I didn’t) , it was because the critiquee – let’s say her name was Helen – was not interested in hearing anything but praise. No matter how I couched my constructive criticism, Helen’s response always hovered in the neighborhood of hostile.

Most of the other people in this writers’ circle had taken Helen’s cue long ago and used their time to offer up bland, non-specific kudos for her manuscripts. But I’m sort of stupid, I suppose. I just can’t say, “It’s good! Really good!” when I don’t think the manuscript is really good. I don’t see the value in doing so. I always try to critique others the way I want them to critique me.

I began Helen’s critique on a positive note. “I really like your idea,” I said. “It’s playful and fun. And I think the approach you took is dead on. It’s a perfect subject for a rhyming picture book.”

Helen beamed.

“But I noticed that some of your rhymes aren’t really rhymes.”

And Helen’s smile faded. It might have been my imagination, but her face seemed to suddenly fall into shadow. But I sallied forth, because, again, I’m stupid.

“For example: ‘pat’ and ‘path.’ Or ‘pane’ and ‘way.’ The words share the same vowel sounds, but they aren’t rhymes.”

I looked up from my notes to see if any of this was registering. Certainly none of the stuff I was saying could get her really angry this time. A rhyme is a rhyme, after all. There’s nothing subjective about a rhyme.

But, well, yikes. Was someone holding a flashlight under her chin?

“No one will care about that,” said Helen. Her tone announced, “How dare you care about that!”

Helen’s remark was followed by the squeak of half-dozen chairs as they, ever so slightly, pushed back from the table.

But I went on. Remember: I’m stupid.

“Also I noticed that the meter varies from line to line. Here you have 13 syllables and here you have 11. This one is 10.”

“It’s 11,” Helen said.

“No, it’s 10,” I said.

And that touched off a rather prolonged simmering discussion over what constitutes a syllable. Helen and I spent some quality time counting together.

Yep, it was 10. Helen didn’t acknowledge this fact as much as change her line of attack.

“No one will care about that either,” she said.

But that wasn’t true. I’m a someone and I cared.

Well, sort of.

I certainly didn’t care if Helen got published – which I doubted she ever would because she was an unpleasant, cantankerous crabby pants who didn’t know that “pat” and “path” didn’t rhyme – but I did care that my efforts were being treated so shabbily. Helen certainly didn’t have to accept anything I said – it was her manuscript and she could do what she wanted with it – but I took quite a lot of time to review her story, the least she could do was give my comments a little respectful consideration.

“Okay, I’m done,” I told Helen. I wasn’t really done with my critique. I was done with Helen and her rotten, dismissive attitude.

Of course, such dismissiveness doesn’t only have to be delivered by an ungrateful critiquee. I once heard a critique by a fellow I’ll call Don. On one fateful night he told an aspiring writer that her “characters were vague.”

Don didn’t elaborate beyond that, making his critique pretty vague as well. The aspiring writer, a bit of a doormat, I’m afraid, wrote down Don’s remark verbatim, as if she could later tease something of value out of it once she got home.

To her discredit, she didn’t ask for any examples of vagueness or any suggestions as to how to make the characters less vague. I would’ve asked such questions; I doubt, however, that Don would’ve been able to answer them. It’s hard to be specific when you don’t bother to read the story you’re critiquing.

Critique groups are essential to the writing process. They should be exploited for all they’re worth. But every group dynamic is different. A single Helen can suck the joy out of what should be a very supportive and constructive environment. A group that contains too many Dons can make the critiquing process almost useless.

I never returned to Helen’s group after she and I counted syllables together. Apparently I set off a chain reaction. The group disbanded a month later. As for Don’s group, (there were actually a few “Dons” in that group), I left that one too, and never looked back.

Eventually I found a good critique group that provided – and continues to provide – a thoughtful, constructive, and tough assessment of my work. Some comments I agree with, others I ignore, but I almost always drive home energized, eager to tackle another draft.

That’s what a writers’ group should be like.

Choose your group wisely. Stay in the group only if it helps. Leave when it doesn’t. Your writing deserves the best critiques you can find.

And please be sure to critique others the same way you want them to critique you.

Thanks so much Mike for doing the first guest post for me. And I swiped your wonderful doodles too:

Isn’t that great?

All images are from heylookawriterfellow except for snoring mom from Google Images.